Chuck Norris jokes on Java
by ovidiu on Aug.11, 2008, under The Works
This is hilarious! the most stupid geeky jokes I ever heard! While learning for the SCJP exam I’ve found some of these
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
- Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
- Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
- A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
- Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
- When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
- The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
- Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
- Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
- Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
- Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
- If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.
- Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
- Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
- Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws
- Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates
- Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
- Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
- Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
- Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
- Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
- Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
- When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
- Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
- Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.
- Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
- Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
- JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
- Chuck Norris extends God.
- Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
- Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
- Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.
Alright now, you can lough … not.
39 comments for this entry:
November 21st, 2008 on 8:47 am
lol this was mental and funny xD
May 10th, 2009 on 9:28 am
This is hilarious
May 10th, 2009 on 10:34 am
May 10th, 2009 on 6:35 pm
That was beyond awesome!
May 11th, 2009 on 4:57 am
“Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.”
…can’t everyone?
May 11th, 2009 on 12:45 pm
@David: Good point
. But Chuck Norris can probably inherit from more than 2 parents, and without a compiler. Chuck FTW! *COUGH*
May 11th, 2009 on 2:32 pm
@David
Nope, I’m afraid only Chuck Norris can.
May 11th, 2009 on 9:41 pm
is it 2006 still?
May 12th, 2009 on 12:12 am
This Store is Under Chuck Norris Patronage!
May 12th, 2009 on 5:46 am
whole bunch o’crap!
May 12th, 2009 on 9:37 am
[...] a long list of Chuck Norris Java jokes. Most are pretty lame, but I liked a few, [...]
May 12th, 2009 on 12:44 pm
Chuck Norris extends God.
^ wrong
ChuckNorris supers God.
May 12th, 2009 on 2:18 pm
No one can extend GOD
there us no GOD but ALLAH
la ilaha illa ALLAH
لا إله إلا الله
May 12th, 2009 on 2:20 pm
No one can extend GOD
there is no GOD but ALLAH
la ilaha illa ALLAH
لا إله إلا الله
May 12th, 2009 on 4:48 pm
Allah is a fucking bitch!! no Allah..
There is only GOD
May 12th, 2009 on 7:55 pm
GOD = Allah in Arabic language. So be careful men !!!
May 12th, 2009 on 7:57 pm
Amine, behave yourself!
May 12th, 2009 on 8:09 pm
Guys, ‘muslim’ is making comments to provoke everybody.
May 12th, 2009 on 11:17 pm
Obviously, Chuck Norris would kick Allah’s but too.
May 13th, 2009 on 10:20 am
This is really outstanding
May 14th, 2009 on 2:33 am
[...] die komplette liste gibt es hier. [...]
May 15th, 2009 on 7:56 am
Better one would be “Code runs faster when Chuck Norris *chases* it
”
May 15th, 2009 on 12:09 pm
[...] Zdroj: http://www.ovisual.com/4/ [...]
May 15th, 2009 on 2:10 pm
Guys, stop arguing about God and Allah!!! See the rule “Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.” so similarly:
He can supers both of them at one time, including Krishna and others.
May 15th, 2009 on 3:05 pm
Nobody knows something about God for sure, but maybe God (or whatever names used by the poor mortals) likes Chuck Norris jokes
)
May 15th, 2009 on 3:20 pm
@David:
“Java suppresses several features (such as operator overloading and multiple inheritance) for classes in order to simplify the language and to prevent possible errors and anti-pattern design.”
May 17th, 2009 on 9:11 pm
[...] Chuck Norris Joke On Java Originally Posted At Ovisual.com [...]
May 23rd, 2009 on 3:06 pm
ihuj
May 24th, 2009 on 12:28 pm
[...] Chuck Norris jokes on Java | ovisual.com [...]
June 14th, 2009 on 6:33 pm
Original post by Dmitri Gromov
June 15th, 2009 on 3:06 am
how can it be?
July 15th, 2009 on 1:03 am
“javac recognizes closures if they were written by Chuck Norris”?
July 15th, 2009 on 1:29 am
hahhaaha .. that one was good
)
August 4th, 2009 on 9:37 pm
Rather funny! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it. I am passing the link to all my colleagues.
October 28th, 2009 on 8:36 pm
LOL, Chuck Norris opens all source too.
January 23rd, 2010 on 8:15 am
Chucks Norris’s code isn’t compiled “just in time”, its compiled
“without warning”.
Chucks Norris’s code doesn’t accept input. It knows what to do.
Chucks Norris’s code doesn’t have the option to Quit.
Chucks Norris’s JVM doesn’t collect garbage, it takes out the trash.
January 25th, 2010 on 5:58 pm
[...] davon gibt es bei ovisual.com [...]
January 28th, 2010 on 5:05 pm
Thanks for this great joke.
February 5th, 2010 on 12:21 pm
[...] så här på måndag morgonen rekommenderar jag att läsa om hur Chuck Norris programmerar Java, http://www.ovisual.com/4/. Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he [...]