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Aug 11

Chuck Norris jokes on Java

Chuck NorrisThis is hilar­i­ous! the most stu­pid geeky jokes I ever heard! While learn­ing for the SCJP exam I’ve found some of these

  • Chuck Nor­ris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
  • Chuck Nor­ris seri­al­izes objects straight into human skulls.
  • Chuck Nor­ris doesn’t deploy web appli­ca­tions, he round­house kicks them into the server.
  • Chuck Nor­ris always uses his own design pat­terns, and his favorite is the Round­house Kick.
  • Chuck Nor­ris could use any­thing in java.util.* to kill you, includ­ing the javadocs.
  • Chuck Nor­ris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing appli­ca­tion, and a very bad swing appli­ca­tion con­tain­ing lots of icons of human skulls.
  • Chuck Nor­ris demon­strated the mean­ing of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by count­ing to it, twice.
  • A syn­chro­nize doesn’t pro­tect against Chuck Nor­ris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
  • Chuck Nor­ris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary edi­tor on the class files.
  • Chuck Nor­ris’ java code never needs to be opti­mized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light dur­ing a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
  • When some­one attempts to use one of Chuck Nor­ris’ dep­re­cated meth­ods, they auto­mat­i­cally get a round­house kick to the face at com­pile time.
  • The java.lang pack­age orig­i­nally con­tained a Chuc­kNor­ris class, but it punched its way out the pack­age dur­ing a design review and round­house kicked Bill Joy in the face.
  • Chuck Nor­ris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
  • Chuck Nor­ris doesn’t write code. He stares at a com­puter screen until he gets the progam he wants.
  • Code runs faster when Chuck Nor­ris watches it.
  • Chuck Nor­ris’ binary edited classes ignore Java byte­code verifier.
  • Chuck Nor­ris meth­ods doesn’t catch excep­tions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
  • Chuck Nor­ris will cast a value to any type just by star­ing at it.
  • If you get a Chuc­kNor­ri­sEx­cep­tion you’ll prob­a­bly die.
  • Chuck Nor­ris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
  • Chuck Nor­ris can com­pile Java code in .NET Frame­work, obvi­ously just by star­ing at it.
  • Chuck dont need to catch an Excep­tion because Java is afraid of the “fly­ing tor­nado kick” at the moment it throws
  • Chuck Norris’s code can round­house kick all other Java Objects’ privates
  • Java vis­i­bil­ity lev­els are pub­lic, default, pro­tected, pri­vate and “pro­tected by Chuck Nor­ris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
  • Chuck Nor­ris eats Jav­aBeans and Round­house Kicks JavaServer Faces!
  • Chuck Nor­ris can divide by 0!
  • Garbage col­lec­tor only runs on Chuck Nor­ris code to col­lect the bodies.
  • Chuck Nor­ris code uses agres­sive heap natively
  • Every sin­gle line code of Chuck Nor­ris runs in real time. Even in a multi thread­ing application.
  • When a CPU load a Chuck Nor­ris class file, it dou­bles the speed.
  • Chuck Nor­ris can exe­cute 64bit lenght instruc­tions in a 32bit CPU.
  • Chuck Nor­ris imple­ments “Inde­struc­tible”. All the other crea­tures imple­ments “Killable”.
  • Chuck Nor­ris only pro­gram Java web appli­ca­tions to get a .WAR in the end.
  • Chuck Nor­ris once round­house kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
  • Chuck Nor­ris can do mul­ti­ple inher­i­tance in Java.
  • JVM never throws excep­tions to Chuck Nor­ris, not any­more. 753 killed Sun engi­neers is enough.
  • Chuck Nor­ris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
  • Chuck Nor­ris extends God.
  • Chuck Nor­ris work­sta­tion has so mem­ory and it’s so pow­er­ful that he could run all java appli­ca­tions in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
  • Chuck Nor­ris codes gener­ics since 1.3.
  • Chuck Nor­ris’ classes can’t be decom­piled… don’t bother trying.
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  1. HELP

    lol this was men­tal and funny xD

  2. Vishwajeet Singh

    This is hilar­i­ous :)

  3. Vladimir

    :D :D :D

  4. Sunira

    That was beyond awesome!

  5. David

    Chuck Nor­ris can do mul­ti­ple inher­i­tance in Java.”

    …can’t every­one?

  6. Kamal

    @David: Good point ;-). But Chuck Nor­ris can prob­a­bly inherit from more than 2 par­ents, and with­out a com­piler. Chuck FTW! *COUGH*

  7. teo

    @David
    Nope, I’m afraid only Chuck Nor­ris can.

  8. sigh

    is it 2006 still?

    ZetaNeta Reply:

    No, This is patric
    No, This is sparta
    NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS IS CHUCK NORRIS!1!1

  9. echo

    This Store is Under Chuck Nor­ris Patronage!

  10. arjo

    whole bunch o’crap!

  11. nishu

    Chuck Nor­ris extends God.

    ^ wrong

    Chuc­kNor­ris supers God.

  12. muslim

    No one can extend GOD
    there us no GOD but ALLAH
    la ilaha illa ALLAH
    لا إله إلا الله

  13. muslim

    No one can extend GOD
    there is no GOD but ALLAH
    la ilaha illa ALLAH
    لا إله إلا الله

    ZetaNeta Reply:

    We dont care who is he
    He cant beat chuck norris

  14. ALLAH is a faggie

    Allah is a fuck­ing bitch!! no Allah..

    There is only GOD

  15. Amine

    GOD = Allah in Ara­bic lan­guage. So be care­ful men !!!

  16. belly

    Amine, behave yourself!

  17. Anon

    Guys, ‘mus­lim’ is mak­ing com­ments to pro­voke everybody.

  18. Bob

    Obvi­ously, Chuck Nor­ris would kick Allah’s but too.

  19. Quantum

    This is really out­stand­ing :)

  20. Krishna R

    Bet­ter one would be “Code runs faster when Chuck Nor­ris *chases* it :)”

  21. Josse

    Guys, stop argu­ing about God and Allah!!! See the rule “Chuck Nor­ris can do mul­ti­ple inher­i­tance in Java.” so similarly:

    He can supers both of them at one time, includ­ing Krishna and others.

  22. admin

    Nobody knows some­thing about God for sure, but maybe God (or what­ever names used by the poor mor­tals) likes Chuck Nor­ris jokes :))

  23. C

    @David:
    “Java sup­presses sev­eral fea­tures (such as oper­a­tor over­load­ing and mul­ti­ple inher­i­tance) for classes in order to sim­plify the lan­guage and to pre­vent pos­si­ble errors and anti-pattern design.”

  24. dfdfasdfasf

    ihuj

  25. KattyBlackyard

    Orig­i­nal post by Dmitri Gromov

  26. ovidiu

    how can it be?

  27. ap

    javac rec­og­nizes clo­sures if they were writ­ten by Chuck Norris”?

    ovidiu Reply:

    hah­haaha .. that one was good :))

  28. Edwin Dalorzo

    Rather funny! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for shar­ing it. I am pass­ing the link to all my colleagues.

  29. pbitreras

    LOL, Chuck Nor­ris opens all source too.

  30. @catchpolenet

    Chucks Norris’s code isn’t com­piled “just in time”, its com­piled
    “with­out warn­ing”.
    Chucks Norris’s code doesn’t accept input. It knows what to do.
    Chucks Norris’s code doesn’t have the option to Quit.
    Chucks Norris’s JVM doesn’t col­lect garbage, it takes out the trash.

  31. Read Jokes Online

    Thanks for this great joke.

  32. evil cat

    Greet­ings! Can I, take some pics from your web­page for my PC wallpapper?

  33. ovidiu

    yes, of course, for some I’m not the owner

  34. dsadsa

    /* Com­ment removed by Chuck Norris!!! */

  35. Tomm

    Hello Every­body it\‘s really good arti­cle
    . I hope that it is no last topic.

  36. Pośrednictwo pracy

    Dude, gimme more!

  37. Ziggy

    We are such dorks. Chuck Nor­ris and Java FTW!

  38. george

    lol, cool :)

  39. Ratamahatta

    Chuck Nor­ris is the only one who can use sizeof in Java. :)

  40. Man

    Im tired of all these Chuck Nor­ris Jokes

    If he was really a god he would slam my head on the keyb9a8s4jtoij4089aofi4

  41. Ivan

    Object extends Chuck Norris.

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